Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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