To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I cockslap morals
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
