Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
