Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
