I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
