It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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