He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
