What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
