just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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