If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
