we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
