i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
