its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
