were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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