I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
