if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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