Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
