I just cut my nipple shaving
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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