Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
