Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
