I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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