I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
