i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
