Your favorite bartender is back from prision
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
