why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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