his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
