remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
