I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
