1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
