i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
