Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
