me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
