last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
