I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
