You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
