Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
