how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
