i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
