Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
