You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
