I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
