Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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