Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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