I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I pour the whiskey from now on
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
