you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
