My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
