as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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