I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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