She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
