im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
