It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
