I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
