That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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