The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
