Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
