yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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