...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
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Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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