i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
