i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
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Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
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Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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