I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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