Heybabeimwearingurpanties
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
