just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am spending my child support on dildos
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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