Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
