Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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