thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
