Porn is love you can see.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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