I looked at my own cervix.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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