The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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