I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
