He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
